- Where is the line?
- Let’s say that you live with a roommate who has a new girlfriend. At first, the girlfriend spends the night just a couple of times a month. You see her in the mornings, but it’s hardly a bother. After a while, she starts hanging around nearly every night, eating on the couch, watching TV, and taking showers in the morning. It’s almost like you have a new roommate! She’s not paying for your bills or rent, and she says she has her own place too. You don’t want to make her pay for everything twice. But is it fair that she uses your air conditioning, your kitchen, and your living room without contributing a dime?
Most of us don’t really want to pry into our roommate’s private lives, so we usually don’t discuss how often romantic guests stay over when we split the bills. On the flip-side, long-term boyfriends and girlfriends may use nearly as many resources and spend as much time in common areas as a full roommate. In order to respect both privacy and fairness, there needs to be some dividing line between when a romantic guest is none-of-your-business and some kind of partial roommate. But where is the line? To find out, I asked over 100 users of my bill-sharing site Splitwise.com what they thought, and analyzed the results.
When to start charging a romantic guest
A strong majority of my survey respondents think it’s none of their business if a significant other is staying over a few (2-3) nights a week. The majority also thinks that if they are staying nearly every night of the week (more than 5), they should be chipping in something. The tipping point is at 5 nights a week, where our survey respondents are roughly split 50/50. Here are the raw results:
If you have a significant other staying more than five nights a week, my judgment would be that you should err on the side of being polite and ask your roommates if you should chip in a little extra. Your roommates don’t get a say if you are dating someone they don’t like, and acknowledging the little inconveniences caused by your partner in a share of the bills will help everything go more smoothly.
How much to contribute
But how much extra should you or your girlfriend or boyfriend contribute? We tested this for two cases: a romantic guest who stays once every other night, and one staying essentially every night. The difference between these cases is quite striking and should give you a good idea of what to do if you are in this situation.
In the case of a romantic partner who essentially lives in the apartment, the simplest thing to do is ask them to contribute to utilities. These are most of what they are using while they are there, and they are not using much electricity, water, or internet back in their home apartment. But since they are presumably paying two sets of bills, most respondents stopped short of asking them to chip in for rent on top of utility bills.
So bottom line: if a roommate’s significant other stays about half the time or less and has their own place, they shouldn’t be expected to systematically contribute to bills or rent (but might want to bring a few host gifts out of politeness). If they have their own place but are staying five times a week or more, there is less consensus on what they should do. The median answer is that they should probably count themselves as a “half-person” (at least) towards bills, but not rent. They should, however, be prepared to count themselves as a full person if the roommates ask, depending on the specifics of the situation. If the roommates don’t ask at all, the significant other should at least try to be very polite and contribute a nice gift.
Some points of clarification: If a girlfriend or boyfriend lives in an apartment full-time (i.e., isn’t renting another place of their own), they should pay a full share of bills and rent. Most people have different expectations for living with couples than for living with roommates who have significant others. Live-in significant others come with their own set of space demands, social baggage, and expectations for how common space is used. (My first project, the SplitTheRent calculator, advises you on how to split rent between couples living with roommates.)
There is also an important trust/honesty issue here. Good roommates need to be up front with each other if a girlfriend or boyfriend starts living in full-time, and concealing this or simply not saying this is an abuse of the roommate relationship.
Lastly, this discussion ignores any non-bill items, like shared groceries, that the partner might consume. Of course, either the roommate or their partner should make sure that they are paying two shares instead of one on any item like groceries.
Sample information
We analyzed 104 respondents who clicked on a survey link from within the interface of Splitwise.com. Ninety percent of my respondents were between ages 18-30, and 71% came from the US, 14% from Australia, and 15% from other countries. The average personal rent (not total apartment rent) was $588/month. Fifty-seven percent of respondents split their rent equally per person, while 43% did not. The data was collected over about six weeks spanning some of June, July, and August. The original survey can be viewed here.
The Splitwise Blog 
I am having this problem right now. My boyfriend has been staying over in the 5 day region of the week. My one roommate that doesn’t talk to any of us is the only one that has a problem with this. Her boyfriend lives down the street so he doesn’t have to stay over while mine lives across town. I’m not going to ask him to leave at 11pm, we live in Philadelphia and I’m not cool with that. He has been very concious and doesn’t use the lights unless I am there. He usually wakes up and my room is very bright. If he doesn’t take showers at my house or use the common areas which none of my roommates use should he have to pay anything? If he is literally just sleeping in my room which I don’t share and eating food that I prepare, and using the toilet occasionally, should he need to chip in?
Hi dorey,
As you can see in the survey data , ~5 days a week is sort of the borderline case between contributing to the bills and being within the freeloading zone (see graph 1). Under normal circumstances, I would recommend that your boyfriend contribute some small gifts (an extra twelve-pack of beer, cook a meal) periodically or volunteer to do some extra chores to justify their presence as a boon to the apartment. I should hope your angry roommate should be mollified by this, and you can tell her that’s what Splitwise would recommend you do among friends. At most, you might offer that he contribute a half-share of the utility bills, but if your boyfriend is very conscientious (and it really is 5 days a week) I don’t think that you should feel you should have to do this.
I hate to suggest this, but if you want to avoid a confrontation, you might also want to consider sleeping at your boyfriend’s place a night or two more per week, in which case she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. But I don’t know how practical this is, and it never feels good to give into people who are being mean.
It sounds like the bigger problem is your relationship with the silent roommate, whom you see as a hypocrite. I would try and mend fences, and/or find a new roommate situation as soon as you can!
Even though he is not consuming extra utilities, he really should not be there hanging out in your room when you are not home. Some roommates have private phone conversations when the other roommates are out. The other roommate may just want total privacy when the other roommates are gone. That does not happen with someone being there who doesn’t pay rent. Maybe that roommate wants to invite a friend over and wants to be able to speak freely without someone overhearing her personal business. There are all sorts of reasons. I think you are being considerate with all of the other stuff and him not being in common areas.
People like you are annoying! I rent the house it’s my house and I’m only renting a room in my home. My roomate brings a girl over and he says its for a couple of days and she ends up staying a week. I charge this guy virtually nothing to live here but a set fee. I clearly stated in my ad that they will not be on my lease as I’m the renter. When it’s someone elses place and they rent you a room and they are paying most of the bills if you have your boyfriend over that much…He should pay too.
If you signed a contract simply stating the number of people allowed in the house, then by contract it is against the law to have the person live there and the landlord needs to be involved. Otherwise I guess you can have him, but you should think about how it inconveniences her.
Today my roommate told me that she didn’t feel that it was fair for her to pay 50% of the rent if my boyfriend is staying at our apartment every night. While I can see her point, I don’t agree with the “rent” part. We both pay 50% of the rent because we’re paying for 50% of the living space. After reading this, I wouldn’t mind chipping in a little extra for utilities because he does stay every night and shower at our place, but we shower at the same time to conserve water. I would stay at his place, but I have a dog and he lives in a dorm where his roommate lives literally in the same room, so this isn’t a very convenient option. I enjoy him being there every night and it makes me feel safer, as my sister and her husband’s apartment was broken into in December and a part of that is sticking in my head. My roommate and I are on almost completely different schedules so we hardly ever run into one another. We had to schedule coffee just to talk about this. I told her I would speak with my boyfriend and he thinks that it is ridiculous. I am really really bad with confrontation and conflict so this has almost given me an anxiety attack. I just want everyone to get along and not have to worry about who’s paying for anything. In my mind, he is my guest and my roommate is more than welcome to have her guests come over, use the shower, use our internet, whatever. I wouldn’t ask her friends to pay to spend the night just because they might use some of our utilities, even though the one time she has had someone spend the night he slept on the couch with his shirt off. I understand where she’s coming from, but because he lives in a dorm, he has already overpaid for all utilities where he lives. Also, he doesn’t have a car, so I can’t just kiss him and tell him to have a good night. We are both pre-med with very similar schedules and it just works well for him to stay at my house because we hardly get to see each other during the week when we’re either in classes, in research, volunteering, working, or participating in other social activities that don’t involve each other. Some days, the only time we see each other is when he comes over to sleep. I just don’t see why he should pay anything when his housing is already (over)paid for and he is not sleeping in our shared space. He stays in my room. His things stay in my room and my bathroom. That is the square footage that I pay for and I feel that i can do what I wish with it. I’d love to hear your opinion on the subject and any advice you may have for how to deal with the situation.
Megan
If your boyfriend is staying almost every night, regardless of his other utility or rent payments, he should really kick in some part of the utilities, at least. It is difficult to monetize, but you must consider the unease experienced by your roommate who may, for instance, be unable to enjoy unfettered use of the public space while you are away because your boyfriend is still there showering and will walk through the living room on the way out of the apartment. Maybe she was doing yoga or painting or some other private activity in this space with the reasonable expectation of privacy that has now been limited in some way. She may also have to endure the routine noisemaking caused by your amorous activities. The acknowledgment of this inconvenience or potential inconvenience by a small financial consideration in the form of his chipping in for some of the utilities (20% if he is to be considered a “half-person”…) will go a LONG way toward making your roommate feel considered. Were I in your roommate’s shoes, even if I totally didn’t mind your boyfriend, I would still feel there’s something unfair about the arrangement, an unease that would probably be ameliorated by an extra $20-50 in my pocket each month (and the acknowledgment that I am due the consideration). If the MANY advantages of having your boyfriend over so frequently and doing away with the anxiety of your roommate’s dissatisfaction are not worth this small consideration, you should probably look at getting an apartment of your own (which is probably a much more costly alternative), or with your boyfriend.
I think Sean is right in considering the roommate’s feelings and inconveniences as well. I’ve been in the situation where I was the girlfriend that was staying over too much. My boyfriend’s roommate/our friend handled the situation wrong in our case by directly coming to me and the other girlfriend and verbally attacking us, but I can understand where he’s coming from. There are inconveniences that he mentioned about having the girlfriends there all the time, because he “wants to walk around in his boxers sometimes” and just have the right to his privacy. I never felt like i invaded his privacy because I usually just stayed in my boyfriend’s room quietly and was very conscious as to not waste their electricity. I even went around turning off all the appliances that he would leave on and even did his dishes and cleaned up his mess multiple times. I offered my bf to pay a part of the utilities, but he told me that was unnecessary. In the end, the roommate felt like he was being ripped off and I totally understood where he was coming from, so I compromised and started going over a little less, but I feel like as long as you contribute SOMETHING to the house or do something to ease their minds a bit, it shouldn’t come to the point where the significant other has to pay the rent or full utilities.
if your boyfriend is staying over every night & you guys clearly want to play house, then you should be getting your own place together.
Megan,
I can understand being upset about the boyfriend staying over EVERY night. He is effectively a roommate at that point, regardless of how considerate he is of utilities etc. When I was an RA in college, and I carried this rule with me as I rented after college as well, the rule was S.Os can stay over an average of 3 nights a week. The idea was, 3 nights at their place, 3 nights at our place, 1 night apart. The roommate puts up with an extra person half the time, gets the space to themselves half the time, and one day you can actually connect with the roommate without a SO around. If it tips towards 4 or 5 nights at our place it would either start to cause tension – or in a few cases resulted in the SO bringing over pizza or doing cleaning etc.
Your roommate has no relationship with your boyfriend. He’s not a roommate, he’s not her boyfriend – so that’s awkward. Even if they get along – some sort of agreement (as sheldon-esque as that is) is very helpful. I would start by having him NOT at your place 2 nights a week. You’re in college- you can be apart that much. Additionally, I’d go a step further and do pizza and movie nights once a week for the three of you – his treat. If your boyfriend gets along with your roommate – a lot of these issues will go away.
Since he is there every night, your boyfriend is a third roommate sharing a room with you. He should pay at least 25% of the RENT and a third of the utilities. You are being inconsiderate.
Your boyfriend is a third roommate if he is there every night. He should pay one third of the utilities and at lest 25% of the rent. You are being unreasonable and inconsiderate.
Reblogged this on polygrrl and commented:
How would this change for a poly couple? Thoughts?
Read the rental agreement and discuss with your landlord. You cant use this website for legal advice! In many places, any person staying longer than 14 days is considered a tenant and must pay rent, or, gtfo if no 2nd tenant is allowed.
Hi Erik,
Thanks for the comment. It’s certainly true that the rental agreement may prohibit a girlfriend or boyfriend staying over nearly every night if they are not on the lease (and that you should not use Splitwise for legal advice!).
However, a “gentlemen’s” or fairness agreement between roommates might be helpful, regardless if the extended stay is officially/legally allowed or not. I suspect in many cases our readers may not much care what the rental agreement says, especially if that would mean telling their sweetheart not to spend the night!
If the girlfriend or boyfriend in question is renting their own place as well, it doesn’t seem fair to me (or to our survey respondents) to make them pay rent twice. Intuitively, to my mind, it would be a serious invasion of privacy for the landlord to start getting nosey and track the behavior of guests, if the guest’s behavior is generally within reason. Even among roommates, I think it’s better to have a gentlemen’s agreement like this than start trying to keep track of days.
Hi all. I’m having a similar problem with a caveat, and would appreciate and insight. My roommates girlfriend spends 4-5 nights a week at our place on a regular basis. This would be fine, except that very infrequently cleans up after herself in the kitchen. I’ve asked her and my roommate to clean up on many times(the kitchen is tiny and can’t be used to cook if there’s a mess), and they always agree to be more contentious about her messes and to make sure things are cleaned. However, she often leaves to go back to her place for a few days and I find a stack of dishes she’s left to be cleaned. This has been going on for over 6 months and they’ve yet to follow through with their promises to clean up. I own everything in our common spaces, so it really adds insult to injury to see my things treated so poorly. Neither of them have much money, so I’m not sure they could manage to have her pay partial utilities. In the past I’ve asked her to occasionally chip in for food (since she does eat some of our shared food), and she said that her budget is tight and she can’t really afford to. She’s a nice kid, but the lack of courtesy is really becoming irritating. My thought was, given their cash flow situation, it might be reasonable to ask them to spend 1-2 weekends a month at her place. I really don’t want to damage the relationship, but I’m starting to resent her for making me either clean up after her or get on my roommates case. I’m open to input here. Please let me know what you think might be a fair solution.
You need to draw some boundaries and grow a pair. If any of this wasn’t a problem for you, you wouldn’t be posting about it. Don’t be so concerned with their relationship. Don’t let them have food if they’re not pitching in. Don’t let them use utilities if “neither of them have too much money.” SHE DOESN’T MAKE YOU CLEAN UP AFTER HER – you choose to clean up after her, which is the problem. If you have repeatedly an assertively asked them to clean up and they haven’t, leave their dirty dishes on their bed and they will never do it again. You sound like a nice person who gets taken advantage of a lot. Kick them out and your problem is gone.
Need honest advice..
I’ve lived with my boyfriend in a small 3 bedroom share house for over 2 years.
Just under a year ago, we found a third housemate who was great. I introduced her to one of my male friends and they soon started dating.
Since they got into a relationship 6 months ago, they have spent practically every night together (with a few exceptions).
They probably stay at our place 70-80% of the time, and both over at his 20-30% of the time.
I think my boyfriend and I have been very tolerant about his constant presence over the past 6 months. He showers here almost daily, cooks here, sleeps here and we’ve never asked anything of him.
They generally stick to themselves in her room, but it’s a small house and it’s unavoidable when it comes to using the shared spaces like the bathroom and kitchen.
He uses these spaces yet has never taken out the trash, wiped down a bench, or put any washing up away (even though a lot of this stuff is his). He uses our supplies, utilities, our water and our internet and we’ve never asked for a cent.
He’s also never done anything out of good will like bringing over some toilet paper.
Recently we brought it up with our housemate, asking that if he continues to be here as much as he is, that he pull his weight and chip in with the cleaning.
She disagrees with this. She said she can’t ask him to clean as she isn’t asked to over at his place.
Not that it’s relevant what goes on outside this house, but her boyfriend lives with his mother and as he is at uni and doesn’t have a job.
I like my housemate but I think she is being unreasonable. She refuses to come to any compromise and thinks it’s wrong to ask him to help with the cleaning.
We suggested we all do a clean-up once a fortnight and he pitch in but she refused saying that he should be paid if he was asked to clean.
Her only answer is that she won’t have him over here as he shouldn’t be in a position where he has to clean. We told her that’s unnecessary and we keep trying to come to an agreement but she thinks we’re being unreasonable.
What about the position she’s put us in? We all pay about $200 in rent and bills a week to live here on the agreement it’s a 3 person share house (it’s quite a small house). If a couple was to move into the 3rd room, we would have charged more rent for it. And now we have a 4th housemate here most of the time and not only does he not pay a cent, but he won’t even help clean up the spaces he uses along with the rest of us! I feel like we’ve been paying for his living, cleaning up after him and now we feel like the bad guys because we asked for a contribution from him.
I need honest advice, are we being unreasonable? It’s causing a lot of tension which will probably result in her moving out which I don’t want to happen, so any advice would be a big help.
No, you’re not being unreasonable. Part of being an adult involves cleaning. If you have a job as a salesperson, you might not get paid to clean, but you must help clean the break room, or the sales floor, or your desk, etc. Logic would tell you that if she acknowledges that he essentially lives there 4-5 days a week, he should contribute to the household in some way. Her argument that she isn’t asked to clean at his mother’s home, therefore he shouldn’t clean at your home doesn’t hold water. If he were only at your house two days a week, I’m sure it wouldn’t be an issue about utilities or cleaning, but it’s quite the opposite. She needs to be reasonable and this can be resolved easily. Otherwise, let her move on.
She said she won’t have him over anymore – that sounds like a fine solution to me.
How about this situation: I am living in Manhattan in an apartment with 4 of us recent college grads who are all working in the city. One roommate has a girlfriend who also works in the Manhattan but recently gave up her apartment to “live at home” in a suburb just outside of the city. She tends to spend about 3-4 nights per week at our apartment (possibly more- she is quite a sneaky one, coming over when we are out to dinner and proceeds to hide out in the roommates bedroom). My roommates and I obviously feel as if she is a freeloader as she is basically living with us and has no expenses. How should we approach this unique situation?
Hey Joe,
Sorry for the slow reply – I suspect this is not an entirely uncommon problem. The special thing about your circumstance is that she technically does have a place of her own -which is in the suburbs, and on which she pays no rent. Does that count, in other words?
Well, yes, it counts in the sense that she shouldn’t be expected to pay a full share of the rent and bills. She still has another place to stay, is storing many life belongings elsewhere, and is making no claims on your common space, throwing parties, decorating decisions, etc. But should contribute something?
I would say definitely yes, she should contribute something. Especially if it’s really 4+ nights a week, and in light of her free living situation. By saving all this money, it ought to be especially easy for her to be generous, and the right thing to do would be to go out of her to pay for groceries, cleaning supplies, small bills, or to do chores (whatever gets in your way the least).
In you case, I think the best thing would be to have whoever knows your roommate best talk politely but directly with them, and ask honestly how often she is staying over and that you feel she is sneaking around the apartment. You should definitely come out directly and say that while you totally respect your roommate’s right to have occasional evening guests, you and your roommates feel it would be more comfortable if she contributed somehow, either to the bills or chores, because you and your roommate’s don’t feel it’s fair she is there every night without having to pay for a place of her own. You should mention that if you had a romantic partner in Manhattan, you would also be spending time roughly 50% of the time at their place. The fact that your roommate is not spending many nights in the suburbs makes this a more burdensome and unequal arrangement for you. You could also point out, if the roommate was indignant, that a couple living in an apartment with roommates has a fair share way higher – greater than 50% of a single person’s rent, and this is really not much to ask. Of course, feel free to send them here to show that this is not just your opinion.
If your roommate pushes back, I would try and find a time you can all talk about it together. If no resolution can be come to, I would simply ignore the situation until the lease expires, and not live with this person again.
I hope this still helps!
Jon
I don’t know why people are concerned with whether or not someone is paying rent somewhere else or not – that’s not the issue. As soon as roommates FEEL like a guest has become a freeloading roommate, that guest has become a freeloading roommate. Ask her to contribute to rent and if that is not agreed, then kick them out. If they’re on the lease, then tell them the three of you refuse to sign the next lease with you. If that doesn’t work, make their lives living hell until she stays away.
Jon,
Like so many above I have a somewhat similar situation, with some key differences.
My girlfriend does stay with my every night (on weekdays this is only after 6-7pm, but on weekends we spend as much time together as possible, most of that time is not at the house). She contributes groceries(almost more than me), we shower together always, she cleans and picks up, washes dishes, takes out trash, and even vacuums. I do all of these things with her unless I leave for work earlier than her one day, in which she cleans up things a little before she leaves since I’m not there.
As of now, she does not pay utilities or rent.
My roommate on the other hand is a fairly large slob. (He is an old and good friend of mine, so I tolerate this with a kind heart.) He piles any dishes he uses in the sink and, unless my girlfriend or I do them, they stack up for near two weeks, not even rinsed, before he half-heartedly washes them. He leaves cups/cans full of his old drinks about the house, has never vaccumed or thoroughly cleaned the house, and has dusted one/two times this past year (because he had a date coming over.). He also leaves just about every light on imaginable along with his bathroom vent all day long while I am at work and nobody else is there (9-10 hours per day).
Sometimes he doesn’t even lock the house up.
He hasn’t expressed to my face that he’s truly uncomfortable with her being there so much, but does make off “jokes” about “where is the third roommate at today?” and other comments of a similar nature.
He has, on the other hand, expressed a slight irritance that she stays there all the time but “doesn’t contribute” to our friends.
I realize that she doesn’t pay rent/utilities, but she contributes tenfold more than he ever has, brings baked goods on occassion, and has never once left a mess.
How would you feel this situation shouild be handled as of now, or if he did confront us about her paying utlities?
(I’d also like to point out that since she’s been staying there, more or less nightly, our overall utilities average has been decreasing steadily.
Thank you,
Paul S.
So does your girlfriend have her own place or not?
Quick question! I understand where your coming from with girlfriend having to pay the bill if she pretty much lives there but here is another contributing factor that makes it hard. So me and my roommate moved in together bc wife left him and he needed help. So we got a place but i was worried about kids living there bc i am only 22 and i dont wanna live with kids right now(he has 3 kids) lol. But he told me they are only gonna be there 3 days of the week which is cool. Then i told him my gf was gonna move in eventually. So when we got out place he has 2 rooms one really big one and then one normal size one. I got a normal sized one. So we split the rent me 325 him 375 bc of the extra room. So he recently said that the kids are gonna move in full time then a week later asked when my gf is gonna move in so we can all pay 1/3 rent. Well my concern is that really fair? If he has 3 kids plus himself living there and 2 bedrooms should we really have to split it 3 ways, when all i am adding is one person to live in my bedroom with me? Now me and her are down to split utlities 1/3 bc she is an adult she will use alot so that is fair but 1/3 rent? Any helpful advice?
Byron G
Byron – yes, I think splitting it three ways is fair, but not in the way he’d appreciate it. He should be paying 2/3 of the rent since he has 2/3 of the bedrooms and more than half the people.
Depending on financials, and how you feel about it, offering to split 50/50 would make the most sense. Figure – the big room goes to the kids (that’s you being nice and helping your friend out). The kids will probably use the same utilities as an adult, so he should be paying for 3 shares of the utilities to your 2 (you and your girlfriend). In the end though, rather than squabbling over 3/5s vs 1/3 vs 1/2 – I’d just go with split the rent, split the utilities between him and you/yourgirfriend. His portion goes up (utilities increase with the kids and your girlfriend) but its still cheaper than getting his own place. Your girlfriend starts paying half your rent and half your utilitis, so you see a drastic drop in month to month costs, so no complaining.
To show there are no hard feelings – buy a TV for the kids room, your treat. Once the kids cartoons come on in there instead of your common room, it’ll be the best 300 bucks you’ve ever spent.
When I moved in to my best friends place, (cheaper, lost job) I was told that there was 2ppl living here. When telling my roomate, yes I will move in,but nt alone. I have my girlfriend and my cat. He said no problem he knew about the two. I was never told that his Gf was living here because she doesn’t! They started seeing each other 2months before we moved in. She’s 18yrs old. At first I rarely saw her, roommates work late, me knowing that , my Gf and I would have time alone. Which was great for the summer, now we’re close to winter and she is constantly here. Racki g up internet, disrespecting our privacy when her bf s at work. So as a mature adult, I took my best friend aside and talked. Stating that she’s here to often! And we would like more privacy considering the fact that she doesn’t live here. He agreed, told her and I guess her 18yr old mind feels like she’s being attacked,”why are u like this with me”, “I was living there before you guys showed up”, so now shes taking revenge. I’m guessing without even as ng her bf, she just told my Gf via stupid text messaging that shes gonna pay rent just so she has no excuse for being here. I know this is a tumour that’s only gonna get worse, this Gil doesn’t like being asked to do something! She leaves her shoes in front of the door while everyone e takes the time to go behind the door, we asked her very respectfully to please not leave them there, out of spite ,she deliberately leaves them in the way cause we ” told” her what to do! I’ve done everything nicely out of respect but she feels like she needs to react to this, I have no idea what to do anymore, my Gf feels like she’s been spit in the face, I feel disrespected from this and all I did was ask nicely and she took it the wrong way! I need advice , I have A LOT of patience but its running of it!
My roommate’s boy friend living in the house almost everyday, used everything like free, they cooked three time per day. they loud talking and sometimes quarreling more loud. they used the washer and dryer more than 4 times per week, sometimes just for a pair of socks. Many times I need waiting for a longtime for use bath, and some times she even please me out ,let her use it first because she need working on time, but the trues is after she used she just playing with her boyfriend.Every time when I use the kitchen ,they always have many things to take. I try to talk,she use sad face and say a lot please to stop me,keep saying she tired for working and she need save money to her and her boyfriend.I am really tired and living in my friend’s house more than one and half month, eating in my friend’s house or some restaurants,focus on final. she asked me pay the have of the bills again, even I did not use it. After I say I will pay her but when her get all the bills , she is very rude and threaten me. She even give me some unreasonable fee to pay. And I say I only pay a third of it, she said she boyfriend is not living there,he rent his own house, and I can not proof he is living there.
About a year ago I moved into my moms house after she passed away to save it from being lost. When we both moved in we were both single. About 6 month ago she started dating someone, within the month he started sleeping over every single day. His a nice guy the only problem that I have is that he doesn’t work. I told my sister that I feel that’s it’s only fare that he starts paying rent, she has a big issue with this, so he stopped taking shower at the house but now he brings food over instead of eating what we cook. …what can I say to her to make her understanding that his no longer a guest but a third person living with us???
By the way I meant to say both my sister and I moved in
I just recently got put into this situation. Except I feel my situation is more sinister. I’ve been staying with my girlfriend, three nights a week for nearly a year now. Never had a problem with the roommates. But her roommates recently got engaged. And the bride to be is not only raising the rent on my girlfriend and her fiance (I assume to cover wedding costs). She also wants to charge me. Even though all I do over here is sleep. We never get living room privileges. We cook and stay in my girlfriends room. Its the most absurd situation i’ve been in. I wish I knew what the legality of me laughing her off is because I wouldnt put it by her to call the police on me if I do not leave.
I have a similar situation and could use some advice.
I moved in with a guy about 6 months ago. When I first moved in, the guy’s father was there to help him move in and told me that he would only be there to help his son find a viable roommate. Ultimately, something fell through with the father’s employment situation and he’s taken up permanent residency in his son’s room with him. The son has a 1 year lease on the 2br with the father as a co-signer. When I moved in, I was not put on the lease and I took on an oral month-to-month tenancy.
About three months ago, I started dating a girl who became by girlfriend. She has been progressively staying over more and more, now up to 5-6 times a week. The father recently yelled at me and got in my face, telling me that my girlfriend lives with us and that I can either have her stop coming over or I can move out. This is problematic because as a part of the rental agreement, I paid first and last month rent. I still have about 6 weeks left on the tenancy, wherein I am forced into a situation where I am not allowed to have my girlfriend over during that entire time-frame. My girlfriend lives about 45 minutes away, so it makes it quite impractical to just meet and hangout at a neutral location. Also, I cannot go over to her place because she lives with a friend she moved into town with that she used to date a long time ago.
My girlfriend and I both have busy schedules and are rarely around. She doesn’t come over ever until after 9pm leaves before 5:30am M-F. We also spend the day together Saturdays and are in and out of the house throughout the day. Over the last few months I think my girlfriend has only taken one or two showers at our place, and we never hangout in the common areas. Furthermore, the father is at the house 24/7 and rarely leaves the living room area.
As of now, I am stuck in a living situation where I cannot have my girlfriend over and I cannot leave for 6 weeks. It just does not seem fair.
Does anyone have any advice for my situation? Should I just move out? Should I offer to pay additional utilities despite my belief that our utilities are not increasing due to me having her over?
Hi there,
I’m kind of in a similar predicament as well, except my roommate is my sister.
We’ve been living together for about 4 years, and after the 1st year our brother moved in as well. He sleeps in the living room on a roll-away bed and pays about $500/month towards utilities and his “rent”. We live in a townhouse, my sister has a big upstairs room with 2 walk ins, an attached bathroom, and a space with an opening to look down onto the living room big enough in which she can put her computer. I have a very small room downstairs and that’s pretty much it, as I have to share my bathroom with my brother and we obviously all share the living space and kitchen and whatnot. The townhome is very tiny, good for 2, small for 3 and even smaller for 4. That’s just the backstory.
Within the past year, she started seeing and dating her now boyfriend. He used to come occasionally and not spend the night. He doesn’t have a car so she would drive him home. He started staying a few nights because my sister “didn’t feel like driving him home.” Now, he stays a MINIMUM of 3 nights, the other nights he stays at his moms because he has 2 kids and they clearly aren’t coming to our house to stay. The kids stay with him 2 nights a week and every other weekend. He usually also puts them to bed around 8 and comes to our house and either stays over and leaves very early or leaves late at night. He does not pay rent at his moms, and he doesn’t pay rent with us. He doesn’t have a car, so no car insurance, maintenance, or gas is being paid. He only pays child support, and I know how much that is because my sister has told me and its pretty low. He recently got a new job and is making twice as much as he was previously. Now, I don’t have much privacy as we have our brother in our living room, and now we have the BF. I have two jobs, full-time Monday-Friday and now 2 nights a week waiting at a local restaurant to keep things together and to have extra cash. When I’m not at work, I’m usually with my boyfriend at his parents house with them (he lives with them, we’re both young.) The BF will be home when my sister is not, showers, eats, does laundry. He lives there. I am upset because I don’t see him chipping in; doesn’t buy groceries, or chip in for rent/utilities, to my knowledge. We are both on the lease. She didn’t discuss having another person move in, just did it. If I did that she would flip and DEMAND my boyfriend pay rent or pay something. I have awoken in the middle of the night to them doing their business upstairs, and I’ve brought it to my sisters attention and for a while she didn’t believe me and just disregarded what I was saying. After some time she did a test and actually realized what I was saying was true, but still completely disregards me when I’m home and is extremely inconsiderate with that. I understand the need to do things, but I’m home about 25% of the time. They’re usually home alone a LOT, especially at night now that my brother has an over-night job. That is what had made me reach my tipping point the most. It’s not just that, but my sisters complete lack of respect she has for me, not only as a sister but as the 2nd and other sole person on the lease. She seems to think (and always has thought) that the townhouse is HER townhouse, and that I am just a guest. The entire living arrangement is putting an extreme strain on our relationship. I need to talk with her about it, but I don’t know what to say without her flipping out on me, getting upset, ect. I’ve brought up things to her in the past and shes flipped out to where we wouldn’t speak for weeks. We also work together at the full time job so imagine how awkward that is. I have been jotting down points that I would like to say but I don’t want to come off as selfish. I want to save money so I can move out on my own, and I don’t enjoy paying for this man to live in my townhouse. I need to save money to move out, but i can only save money if my rent goes down and he starts chipping in, instead of “them” paying 50% and I pay pretty much 50%. Any advice? I’m sorry this is so long and possibly all over the place.
hello i am in a bind.. i rent rooms in my home.. our newest roomate came for the room and pays for the room.. he had his girlfriend move in but then they area no longer together.. now he is paying for the room but she is not.. now she wants me to let her into his room to get her stuff.. i told her she will have to talk with him and work it out with him.. for it is his room and he pays for it.. i just rent it to him.. she is mad at me and telling me shit about him. i told her i do not care to know.. now i am in the middle.. i am ready to kick them both out of my home.. its only been a month.. any ideals..