Thank you,
Kiki

Like so many above I have a somewhat similar situation, with some key differences.

My girlfriend does stay with my every night (on weekdays this is only after 6-7pm, but on weekends we spend as much time together as possible, most of that time is not at the house). She contributes groceries(almost more than me), we shower together always, she cleans and picks up, washes dishes, takes out trash, and even vacuums. I do all of these things with her unless I leave for work earlier than her one day, in which she cleans up things a little before she leaves since I’m not there.
As of now, she does not pay utilities or rent.

My roommate on the other hand is a fairly large slob. (He is an old and good friend of mine, so I tolerate this with a kind heart.) He piles any dishes he uses in the sink and, unless my girlfriend or I do them, they stack up for near two weeks, not even rinsed, before he half-heartedly washes them. He leaves cups/cans full of his old drinks about the house, has never vaccumed or thoroughly cleaned the house, and has dusted one/two times this past year (because he had a date coming over.). He also leaves just about every light on imaginable along with his bathroom vent all day long while I am at work and nobody else is there (9-10 hours per day).
Sometimes he doesn’t even lock the house up.

He hasn’t expressed to my face that he’s truly uncomfortable with her being there so much, but does make off “jokes” about “where is the third roommate at today?” and other comments of a similar nature.
He has, on the other hand, expressed a slight irritance that she stays there all the time but “doesn’t contribute” to our friends.

I realize that she doesn’t pay rent/utilities, but she contributes tenfold more than he ever has, brings baked goods on occassion, and has never once left a mess.

How would you feel this situation shouild be handled as of now, or if he did confront us about her paying utlities?

(I’d also like to point out that since she’s been staying there, more or less nightly, our overall utilities average has been decreasing steadily.

Thank you,

Paul S.

Sorry for the slow reply – I suspect this is not an entirely uncommon problem. The special thing about your circumstance is that she technically does have a place of her own -which is in the suburbs, and on which she pays no rent. Does that count, in other words?

Well, yes, it counts in the sense that she shouldn’t be expected to pay a full share of the rent and bills. She still has another place to stay, is storing many life belongings elsewhere, and is making no claims on your common space, throwing parties, decorating decisions, etc. But should contribute something?

I would say definitely yes, she should contribute something. Especially if it’s really 4+ nights a week, and in light of her free living situation. By saving all this money, it ought to be especially easy for her to be generous, and the right thing to do would be to go out of her to pay for groceries, cleaning supplies, small bills, or to do chores (whatever gets in your way the least).

In you case, I think the best thing would be to have whoever knows your roommate best talk politely but directly with them, and ask honestly how often she is staying over and that you feel she is sneaking around the apartment. You should definitely come out directly and say that while you totally respect your roommate’s right to have occasional evening guests, you and your roommates feel it would be more comfortable if she contributed somehow, either to the bills or chores, because you and your roommate’s don’t feel it’s fair she is there every night without having to pay for a place of her own. You should mention that if you had a romantic partner in Manhattan, you would also be spending time roughly 50% of the time at their place. The fact that your roommate is not spending many nights in the suburbs makes this a more burdensome and unequal arrangement for you. You could also point out, if the roommate was indignant, that a couple living in an apartment with roommates has a fair share way higher – greater than 50% of a single person’s rent, and this is really not much to ask. Of course, feel free to send them here to show that this is not just your opinion.

If your roommate pushes back, I would try and find a time you can all talk about it together. If no resolution can be come to, I would simply ignore the situation until the lease expires, and not live with this person again.

I hope this still helps!
Jon

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