Dear Splitwise,
I moved into a new apartment last fall, and finding a roommate was a nightmare. After months of searching, I settled for an internet stranger who was nice enough and seemed to have his life reasonably together.
Fast forward to six months later, and I can confidently say he does not have his life together. He needs constant reminders to pay rent, and often still shorts me by $100 here or there. He leaves out half-finished projects and then disappears for three days.
I could get over the mess, but he hasn’t paid me for any utilities since he moved in. I feel like I’m constantly nagging him, so I haven’t brought it up. How do I talk to him about what he owes me?
– Not His Mom
Hi Not-His-Mom,
Living with other people is hard. It’s hard enough living with someone you know, but adding a stranger to the equation can make it even more challenging.
Money conversations can be awkward, but there are ways to be confident heading into a stressful discussion. First, remember that you’re not doing anything wrong. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of concessions for him— accepting his mess and being short-changed on rent. But this person isn’t your friend. You have a legal contract with them through your shared living agreement, and though it’s uncomfortable, it’s well within your rights to enforce it.
Before sitting down with him, organize your shared bills. Review your statements and document everything he owes, from missing rent payments to utility bills. Make sure everything is easy to reference and share so that he has a clear understanding of what he owes without room for negotiation.
It’s also important for you to know what you’re asking for before talking to him. Do you need the payment within a few days, or a few weeks? Get clear on your ideal solution so you can confidently agree on a repayment plan without feeling pressured to make concessions that don’t work for you.
Lastly, come up with a plan to stay on top of shared bills moving forward. Don’t let another six months go by without receiving your share! Get curious about what systems work for him, and set boundaries with what you need.
It may be stressful now, but after the conversation, you’ll feel a weight lifted. We’re rooting for you!
– Splitwise
